I Cried Out To The Lord In 1977

A whole new year lies before me. What is in my heart? Where will I go from here? I can't turn back and start believing those lies again. I am getting better and better in every way, just for today! I have to find a way to live just for today...

The past is over and I am powerless to change a lot of things that happened in my life. But, I cannot play God, anymore. Surely, it is a delusion to think that I have any real control of this life I live. Even my very breath is given through the grace of God.

But, my will is strong and hard to be broken. My being longs for a right relationship with God. My thoughts cling to the cross of Christ in this place where I so often isolate and feel the pain of lonliness.

Please, Dear God, fill me with your Holy Spirit and give me the grace to stay close to Jesus and follow His teachings. God, I cried out to you so many years ago. "God, if you are there, I need to hear from you, because if you're not, I have nothing to live for."

And you spoke to me and said, "Call Mrs. Guilds." And, I didn't think that I would, but I did, and she lead me to your Son, Jesus Christ. I was so ready and had little, no, no resistance.

I never imagined all that He was. I didn't have a clue, but I knew in an instant that He was ALL that I'd been searching for all of my life.

I am so sorry Father God, Holy Spirit, and Jesus that I sinned against all three of you in so many ways. God, I thought I was favored and didn't need to change anything. After you touched me so deep within, I ran off on a pink cloud with no thought of the depths that I would wallow in.

You took away my sins and made my soul to shine and I experienced the indwelling of your sweet Holy Spirit. Truly, I was born again! But, my words, and actions, and choices led me astray, until darkness consumed me, and despair and depression set in.

All I wanted was to share my Jesus, and all that He had done for me, with everyone I could. But anything that I'd been doing wrong before I met Jesus was multiplied many times over, and over again.

I became so empty, Lord, so full of guilt and shame. The lonliness was so hard, the darkness so painful and scary. Lord, I don't know my way back to you. Lord, please don't judge me too harshly, against thee only have I sinned, but I caused pain and injury to others.

Lord, I am not as innocent as I think I am. I am so ashamed of my past conduct. Apart from you, I am nothing. I know that you alone are pure and holy. You alone weigh the hearts. I place mine in your hands, because I need you in my life if I am to change. I cannot find my way back home without you! Amen

Now, I am Found! Thank you, Jesus, for finding me and bringing me back to the heart of the Father, once again! I can finally love God, self, and others! I am so blessed in 2010.

Happy New Year to everyone! Found